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In addition to speaking to numerous groups each month,
Mary muses over what she's seeing, hearing or thinking in her
e-newsletter BODACIOUSLY! And, just like when she's
presenting live, she makes you laugh and think.
Here are some of her musings for you to enjoy!
We All Gotta
Little Bodaciousness
"Bodacious, is that even a word?" I've been asked.
Sure is, and it means being bold, outstanding, audacious.
Read More . . .
I Want To Live Like
My Nail Color!
Wild Berry. That's the name of my favorite nail
color. To me it says fun, bold, sexy, and just simply makes my fingers
and hands look so good.
Read More . . .
3 Lessons from the Few
Fortune 500 Females
I think women have come a long way in corporate
America until I read something like this: "Few women hold top executive
jobs, even when CEOs are female".
Read More . . .
The Days of Acting Like
a Man to be Effective in Business are Over!
While flying to a speaking engagement, I recently
read an article about the very bodacious Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly
Fiorina. It starts: "With HP reinvented, it's time to rethink the wisdom
of Carly Fiorina's drive to merge the company with Compaq and give
credit where credit is due."
Read More . . .
A Little
Testosterone Goes a Long Way
After being surrounded by mainly men in engineering
school and the first seven years at AOL, I've had lots of opportunity to
interact with and observe them.
Read More . . .
Stepping Up to Your
Big, Bodacious Moment
I've come the conclusion that to be successful -
really successful - I've got to love what I do. Not like it okay, not do
it because I know how, not do it because I've invested so much time and
energy so far. I mean LOVE it!
Read More . . .
We All Gotta Little Bodaciousness
(Back to Top)
"Bodacious, is that even a word?" I've been asked. Sure is, and it means
being bold, outstanding, audacious. I love it because it captures a
positive spirit of freedom, choice and being all you can be. My personal
journey to bodaciousness has convinced me of at least two things about
becoming a Bodacious Woman. The first is that bodaciousness starts on
the inside. The second is that everyone already has some bodaciousness
inside them.
Being bodacious - I mean really feeling, thinking, and being bodacious -
is an inside out process. All the how-to advice in the world about how
to get what you want in the workplace and your life doesn't seem to have
an affect if we don't take it in and let it soak through our heart and
our mind. Behaviors that stick, behaviors that make a difference in
lives do so because we've taken the time to honestly think about them
and reflect. We consider what we really think and feel, why that's so
and what's blocking us from making a change. In our heart of hearts we
know that if we aren't internally signed-up for exhibiting a behavior we
won't end up doing it. But those we do sign-up for, watch out! It's from
the inside that we gain the strength to make a change.
I've been asked, "Can anyone be bodacious or it is personality related?"
Your personality will always give your bodaciousness personal flavor,
but certainly anyone can be bodacious. In fact, I'm convinced that
inside we all gotta little bodaciousness. All we have to do is identify
it and help it grow. Which will require taking new risks. For some it
may mean making a big change that we've been debating for a while. For
most of us, though, it's likely going to appear seemingly less dramatic.
Ordering something totally different at a restaurant. Starting a
conversation with your boss' boss in the lunch room. Expressing a
different viewpoint in the department meeting. Though these actions may
not seem life-changing, they are because the impact on how we see
ourselves and behave is huge.
Bodaciousness starts on the inside and inside all of us there's at least
some to get started. We only need the courage to look within. When we
begin to muster that courage and look honestly at who we are and who we
want to be, we often find it's not as scary as we first thought. "All
life is an experiment" said Ralph Waldo Emerson. May the experiment be a
doozie!
I Want to Live Like My Nail
Color! (Back to Top)
Wild Berry. That's the name of my favorite nail color. To me it says fun, bold,
sexy, and just simply makes my fingers and hands look so good. It's a funny name
for a nail polish, but then so many women's cosmetics have funny names. There's
Mango Spice lipstick, Roaring Red blush, and Whispering Mist eye shadow. Just
saying these words makes me think of walking along the beach on a tropical
island wearing a flowered sarong, matching top, and the perfect make-up to
highlight my features against the setting sun. Oh, how the mind gets going! I so
very much want to live like my nail color – full-up on passion and feeling
alive! Take me away Wild Berry!
Now I know that painting my nails Wild Berry or any color, for that matter,
won't magically create this alive sensation. To feel that way has to come from
within. Only after I've connected with, nurtured, and allowed myself to release
my passion for life, can I truly be Wild Berry. Starting on the inside is the
starting point for living up to my nail color.
Who knew there was so much to learn from a nail color?! Who knew that when I
started my young adult life as an $8-an-hour customer service rep at America
Online, I would rise through the ranks, get married along the way, and discover
in myself, the desire to be much more like my nail color than I ever expected?
My internal good girl was aghast! But my inner Bodacious Woman was starting to
push her way to the forefront. Good thing, too, because personally and
professionally, life would knock me around a bit and test just how much I wanted
to be 'wild' about taking care of myself as well as my future.
And, I'm not alone. Many women struggle to feel good about themselves and their
lives. Perhaps you're one of them. You've wanted to feel like your nail color
but you've had fears or guilt or pressure in your life to stay put and not cause
waves. Been there, done that, and it's not a fun time! In my own struggle, there
were times when I wanted to feel like Wild Berry but I felt more like Wet
Leaves. But, in time, I found another way, a way that affirmed my existing
internal strength and enabled me to get stronger, wiser, healthier, and be a
whole lot more fun! I call it the Bodacious Way.
3 Lessons from the Few Fortune
500 Females (Back to Top)
I think women have come a long way in corporate America until I read something
like this: "Few women hold top executive jobs, even when CEOs are female". That
was a headline in the January 27, 2003 edition of USA Today. The article
includes the stat that only 6 women hold the CEO spot at the Fortune 500
companies. It also reveals that among the 24 best-paid execs working for those 6
female CEOs only 3 are women. Since almost always CEOs come from the pool of
people just below them, it's unlikely we'll see many female Fortune 500 CEOs any
time soon. Ugh! Well, at least I know the facts, I thought to myself. I'd rather
live in reality than a fairytale. Then I considered what it means for the
bodacious woman trying to create a corporation career. Three realities jumped
out at me.
The first reality is that as women we've still got a long way to go to get into
the very top spots of companies, especially large ones. We've invaded the
entry-level ranks, we've heavily populated middle management, and we've made
in-roads to the executive positions. If the 21st century is indeed the women's
century, somehow more of us must be players as CEOs and in the Board Rooms.
Fortunately, the article states that there are a good number of mid-level female
40-something executives who are still rising through the ranks and may be more
on the radar screen in the next 5 to 10 years.
The second reality is that shooting for the top in corporate America is a choice
and not one for every woman (or every man for that matter). The essence of being
bodacious is knowing you have choices. Whatever career level you choose affects
everything: your time, your relationships, your activities, where you live and
more. To attempt to get to the top, women need to be clear about those demands
and be willing to meet them. For every woman willing to do just that I say we
respect, salute and support them. It takes a lot of guts and the last thing they
need is to be judged and criticized.
The third reality is that no matter your chosen path, key to your career success
is how you can contribute to the bottom-line. USA Today states that many women
receive promotions in areas such as human resources or corporate communications,
rather than line positions directly responsible for profits and losses. Line job
or not, I think what's often missing in a woman's strategy for career growth is
a focus on business results. During my years at AOL I was in charge of corporate
training, which was part of HR. I believe my effectiveness in that position was
largely due to the line management perspective I brought from my 7 years in the
company's call center unit. Every department contributes to business results.
The closer you can tie your contribution to the bottom-line and demonstrate
performance, the more you've set yourself up for personal success.
Reflecting on the realities of the current corporate climate for women turned
out to be useful. Instead of being bummed that there aren't many female CEOs in
today's top companies, I'm inspired by those women who are and encouraged that
all women, myself included, can still be as bodacious as they want to be.
The Days of Acting Like a Man to
be Effective in Business are Over!
(Back to Top)
While flying to a speaking engagement, I recently read an article about the very
bodacious Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly Fiorina. It starts: "With HP reinvented,
it's time to rethink the wisdom of Carly Fiorina's drive to merge the company
with Compaq and give credit where credit is due." Yahoo, I thought! Go Carly!
I wanted to know bits of wisdom from this gutsy female leader who persuaded
legions of employees and stockholders to follow her. She shared three things:
- "It doesn't matter whether I'm talking to 2 people, 10, or thousands. I
think about it as though I'm talking to just one person. Every communication is
a conversation that has to be real."
- "I try to speak to the essence of things. It's a mental process to get from
a whole bunch of words to the essence of what matters."
- "I try to communicate from the heart, as well as my head. You can't be
persuasive if you don't believe in what you're saying. Conviction is not only
about understanding the facts, the figures, and the intellectual aspects, but it
also comes from the heart and the gut."
After reading this I about jumped out of my airplane seat! They are terrific!
Wouldn't you love to work for or be a manager who did these things? As someone
who was managed, who managed others, and who dealt with a lot of internal
company change at AOL, I thought Carly's words really hit the mark. What made me
most excited is that these are not only effective leadership behaviors, they
capitalize on predominately female traits.
Think about it. Each of Carly's points focuses on relationships. She treats
people as individuals by how she handles conversations. She focuses the content
of her conversation on what's real and most important. She speaks from her heart
to others' hearts without excluding the facts and figures that speak to the
head. This is being bodacious!
The days of acting like a man to be effective in business are over. Carly has
made a very strong statement by her behavior and just look at the results. Every
woman in business can be encouraged. Evidence keeps pouring in; being bodacious
makes a difference. It works!
A Little Testosterone Goes a
Long Way (Back to Top)
After being surrounded by mainly men in engineering school and the first seven
years at AOL, I've had lots of opportunity to interact with and observe them.
I've come to appreciate some of the ways men operate that serve them well in
business. "What?!" I hear some of you saying." Yes, that's right - but read on.
I'm not about to adopt all male behaviors. No way! I like my female attributes.
And besides, I can't be a guy nearly well as a guy can; he has a ‘born-with-it'
advantage. Still, a little testosterone goes a long way. Here are some male
"testy" behaviors that bodacious women could benefit from stealing:
- LET NEGATIVE WORDS BOUNCE OFF: Men have a wonderful ability to not allow
negative sticky notes to well…stick to them. "John, that report is missing a key
conclusion." "What do you mean you can't get it done by Friday, Frank? Don't you
know how important this account is?" These kind of words seem to roll off their
back. I say "seem" because I'm sure they have some impact but men don't show it.
They don't absorb these words into their very being. Instead they decide if the
words have merit. If they do, it's a problem to solve, not a huge character flaw
that requires counseling.
- SAY NO WITHOUT GUILT: Men don't seem nearly as concerned about making others
happy as they are about taking care of their needs. Sound selfish? It doesn't
have to be. Consider that if they were so concerned about everyone else's needs
they couldn't provide — financially, emotionally or otherwise — to those they
care most about. They'd disperse their efforts to the point that they'd be
ineffective. The only way to keep focused is to freely say no to anyone or
anything that's not enabling you to achieve what's most important.
- ACT AS IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING even if you're not quite sure: I have
to admit, I was alarmed and disturbed when I first noticed this behavior. "They
are lying through their teeth!" I thought. Then I took a second look. These men
were delivering on what they said they would. And they acted so confident that I
assumed they knew this stuff like the back of their hand. A male friend revealed
to me that he didn't always know how he was going to accomplish a project; he
just believed he'd figure it out. I finally realized it was a matter of
believing in yourself and being resourceful. Lying had nothing to do with it.
- FEEL FREE TO TALK ABOUT YOURSELF AND BELIEVE HOW WONDERFUL YOU ARE: I
immediately think of a couple on their first date. He wants to impress so he
tells her all the wonderful things about himself so she'll admire him. Sometimes
he's successful, sometimes not, but one thing I do admire is that he's willing
to proudly show his colorful feathers. That's risky; he might get rejected. But
he knows he'll never get recognized if he doesn't try.
- DON'T READ MUCH PAST WHAT'S THERE: Most women think men are a bit dull and
simplistic not to notice all the hidden messages in Sue's tone or David's words.
And compared to the typical female radar, they are! But, this also allows men to
not get caught up in all the energy draining sludge of what-ifs and hurt
feelings. As women we can't completely go against our natural wiring but we can
stop it from working against us. Differentiate between the facts of a situation
and what else you intuitively picked up on that may also be true. Don't jump to
conclusions about these ambiguous items; just keep them on the list of
possibilities. Above all else, mentally move on to the next thing.
Stepping Up to Your Big,
Bodacious Moment (Back to Top)
I've come the conclusion that to be successful - really successful - I've got to
love what I do. Not like it okay, not do it because I know how, not do it
because I've invested so much time and energy so far. I mean LOVE it! I mean the
kind of love that makes you want to get up in the morning and get going. Because
your work has meaning, significance, fulfillment. If these aren't words that
describe what you do day-in and day-out, then perhaps now is the time to make a
change, to step up to your big, bodacious moment. Or, BoMo as I like to call it.
How satisfied are you with your career on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being
extremely satisfied? That's a question I kept asking myself during my years at
AOL. Year after year my answer was a 7, 8 or higher. The vast majority of time I
felt passionate about what I was doing; I believed what I was doing mattered.
When my score dipped I asked myself serious questions as to why. Several times
this process helped me pinpoint changes I needed to make to get me back on
track. One time my rating was below 5 and stayed that way. This time it wasn't
about me making adjustments. It was about facing that it was my time to go. My
BoMo was at hand.
I still remember the scene. I was in my manager's office after being away for
several weeks attending grad school. He caught me up on what had happened while
I was gone, things I needed to attend to. I listened and took notes, all the
while waiting to find out whether he was moving to another department, which
would make his position empty and give me a last shot at the promotion I wanted.
I sat there with a strange mix of calm and anxiousness. I had already determined
during my time away that if the answer was no I was going to plan my exit
strategy. After 75 minutes, no word. So I casually but deliberately asked him
how those plans were working out for him. He quickly told me they weren't; he
was staying. And, quietly, resolutely, to myself I had my BoMo: I was leaving. I
had to find the next thing that would give me the internal satisfaction that
made a career worthwhile.
We not only have the opportunity to do meaningful work, we have the
responsibility to make the most of this rare opportunity. Especially in these
challenging times of economic and global unrest, it's so easy to forget that we
live in an unprecedented country. There's no other nation on earth where I can
carve out a life that suits me, especially as a woman. Po Bronson, author of
"What Should I Do with My Life?", says that answering that question "isn't just
a productivity issue, it's a moral imperative. It's how we hold ourselves
accountable to the opportunity we're given. Most of us are blessed with the
ultimate privilege: We get to be true to our individual nature. Our economy is
so vast that we don't have to grind it out forever in jobs we hate. For the most
part, we get to choose."
Finding what you love takes time and takes guts. It took me several years to
find my new passion and it's required that I venture into unknown territory. It
started with being willing to ask myself how satisfied I was with my career. To
face the answer and do something about it took courage. And it took a BoMo fixed
in time to give me the resolve to follow-through. I'm not the first person to go
through this journey and I won't be the last. Be willing to ask yourself the
satisfaction question. Perhaps you're next!
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